…a source of comfort, a touchstone of normality
When thinking about Feasting Hearts, I knew that food-love stories of my daughter would be featured heavily (and, naturally). This particular piece includes a distinct memory of two foods, and as both foods serve their own purpose in this story, I decided not to separate them or choose one over another.
This is the story of a birth, muffins, and potatoes.
Sleeping Angel, Miss Miriam - May 2019
Those first days after Miriam was born were a blur of disbelief, worry, sadness, happiness, sheer exhaustion and pain – oh, the pain. We spent three nights in hospital and for all the abstract memories of those days, there are two things I remember as clear as crystal – my daughter, and the food. With my daughter it is all about the firsts – the first time our eyes met (her on my chest looking at me confused and, to be honest, slightly disappointed), her first smile (could have been gas), and the first time holding her little fingers. I remember staring at her, trying to comprehend the weight of the experience I had just encountered. And the intimidating pressure of having to now care for this little being, even if I could have slept for days.
During that time, food served not only as a much-needed calorie base for my healing body, but a source of comfort, a touchstone of normality. While we waited in the delivery room to be moved, one of the midwives had tracked down the lunch service to get me a plate. In my blur of disbelief, worry, sadness, happiness, sheer exhaustion and pain – oh, the pain, I still remember two things; 1) being concerned I may have missed the lunch, and 2) cauliflower. Later that night we ordered pizza, and it felt strangely familiar not to worry about which cheese I could or could not eat for the first time in nearly ten months. I went for a four cheese, softs and blues included (obviously), and a full sugared cola. I would engulf every last morsel of the daily meals provided by the hospital - lashings of cold butter cubes on my bread, two juices, and extra sides whenever available. And water. So. Much. Water. But as alluded in the intro, this story has two foods which stand out most of all – muffins, and potatoes.
As a Canadian, a decent muffin is a staple breakfast item readily available in most coffee shops. Yet, after living abroad for fifteen years and now in the UK, I’ve yet to find a place that has embraced the love for these delicious treats with the same fervour and enthusiasm. However, quite randomly, there was a muffin shop in the hospital I delivered in. And not just trying to be Canadian style muffins but for an English audience, but really, really good muffins that could rival any back at home. The morning after the birth, my husband set out to get me a coffee, and stumbled upon it. When he came back, extra hot oat latte and a blueberry muffin in tow, it was like my gravity was re-centred. The bursts of deep purple floating in a cake like crumb, the coffee mixed in as an antidote to the sweetness, the ritual of removing the muffin top and eating it last. It was familiar. It was predictable. This simple breakfast of a muffin and a coffee was one I had many times, many years back, and it was what I needed to feel grounded after having my whole world shaken up. Over the next few days, we made our way through the full muffin range – chocolate chip, apple cinnamon, bran, every last delectable flavour. To this day, they are still the best muffins I’ve had in the UK, and a consolation prize for any hospital visits we’ve had to make since then.
Best Breakfast - Blueberry Muffins (with a few extras)
The second dish was one I had many times before, the simplest of side dishes or on certain days, a main in its own right. It is a staple in my mother in law’s repertoire, and she kindly dropped it off our second night in the hospital. Steamed potatoes and green beans, sometimes carrots should the mood strike (in this case it did), topped with olive oil, a splash of vinegar and a scattering of salt. It is simple, and perhaps for that reason, very comforting. Tucking in for dinner number two, I was on baby watch while my husband caught up on some sleep. My daughter was also sleeping, and I had my cell phone propped up with an early episode of Schitt’s Creek streaming. In the darkened, quiet hospital room, forking the softened golden potatoes, layering on crunchy green beans and bright orange carrot discs, with a subtle hint of acidity and saltiness, it was one of the earliest memories I have of feeling that this next chapter was not insurmountable. Like with the morning muffin ritual, it was another opportunity to catch my breath, and acclimatize to all that had taken place. The vegetables literally nourishing my healing body, the calm moment nourishing my spirit.
Three years later, I still have a visceral reaction at the very thought of muffins, or the sight of the steamed salad. Both quite humble foods, but so vivid in my memory of those early days - in a blur of disbelief, worry, sadness, happiness, sheer exhaustion and pain – oh, the pain. The memory of becoming a mother, of falling so in love with this tiny wrinkled being, and of having my life changed forever - a reality I still find hard to grasp.
Potato, Green Bean and Carrot Salad
Blueberry, Banana, Yogurt Oat Muffins
Ingredients (makes 12 muffins)
125 grams plain white flour
125 grams oat flour*
3 tsp baking powder
3 tablespoons of ground flax seed
A good pinch of ground cinnamon
A smaller pinch of salt
1 large egg
30 grams of golden granulated sugar
50 grams of maple syrup
125 ml plain Greek yogurt
125 ml whole milk
30 grams of vegetable oil
1 mashed banana
150 to 200 grams blueberries, washed, dried and lightly dusted in flour
*if you are tempted to make your own oat flour, please do – just put some oats in a food processer and blitz until you reach the desired bakeable consistency.
Method
Preheat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius, and line a muffin tray with some paper cases.
Prepare your dry ingredients. Grab yourself a large bowl (large bowls are ubiquitously comforting when baking muffins), and put in the flours, baking powder, flax seed, cinnamon and salt. Lightly whisk and set aside.
Now move on to the wet ingredients. Grab yourself a smaller bowl or appropriately sized measuring jug, and drop in the sugar, maple syrup (testing a small drop on your finger is highly recommended), the yogurt, milk, oil and banana – another whisking session until they are all combined.
Mix the wet and dry, only until the mixture jjuuuusssttt comes together. Never over mix a muffin batter! Next, tip in your washed, dried, and lightly dusted in flour (so they don’t sink to the bottom when in the oven) blueberries, and gently fold them in.
Scoop out the batter evenly into the muffin tray, not losing hope should you not get a full dozen. Place in the pre-heated oven for about 25 to 30 minutes. I recommend rotating the tray halfway through if your oven is as temperamental as mine. You’ll know they are ready when they are evenly golden on the top, and a toothpick comes out cleanish (some of the blueberries or banana might skew the impression of doneness, trust your instincts).
Let them cool in the tin for about 10 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack. Make a pot of tea or coffee, and enjoy either in perfect solitude, or with family and friends.
Potato, Green Bean and Carrot Salad
Ingredients (makes a good side portion for four persons)
400g fresh and already washed green beans
400g peeled and chopped potatoes
400g peeled or thoroughly scrubbed carrots
2 or 3 sprigs of parsley
3 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar (though Nonna prefers apple cider vinegar, myself leaning to lemon juice)
Salt to taste
Method
Steam the potatoes, green beans and carrots for about 30 minutes. As soon as they are cooked, tip them into a salad bowl. When they are lukewarm, dress the vegetables with salt, oil, vinegar and chopped parsley. Mix and serve.
